abbyautomatic

It is two thousand and fucking nine.



Holy shit.


I really feel like 2008 went by so fast. I'm sitting here listening to Radiohead and remanicing about the year....

Here's a little wrap up of how my year went.

I moved out of my Dads house in early January, Became friends with Hannah, Pierced my monroe, Nick dropped out of school, I broke up with Nick in May, Nick had a baby,  Met Jason, Pierced my spetum, I Had the most amazing summer of my life, Dated Jon, Became friends with Mia, Broke up with Jon,  Pierced my nose, Descoverd Portland, met Taylor, Hannah left for college, Pierced the other side of my nose, Forever21 opened up, then H&M opened up, Went to boston a bunch of times, took out Nose piercings and monroe, Stopped being friends with a bunch of people, got over it, moved back in with my dad, met Zac, stopped smoking weed, started drivers ed, got a 40D for christmas.

haaaaaaa i didnt mean for that to sum up my love life. but whatever.






I am ready for 2009.
 

B R I N G   I T   O N

My life is pretty geat right now, I have no complaints. Nothing exciting is really happening, but I guess I don't need a lot in my life. I have what I have, and I'm finished with what's gone.

Today was a huge winter storm, I've just been catching up on my photos, and updating my photography site myspace.com/photosbyabby
I'm hoping to have school tomorrow 'cause I really have to catch up on french work and computer work.
One of my good friends dropped out of school this past week so I've been having a hard time taking that, I really hate to see him throw away a potental great mind. But his homelife is really hard and I probably couldn't juggle school and living on my own at the same time.
 
The school year is almost half way over, and I havnt really reached any of my goals, I've just been doing average work, and going with the flow.
A lot of people did a lot of growing up this year, people in my class. I'm starting to debate weather or not graduating early is even worth it, I mean I really want to move away to Portland, but it's going to be a sruggle not having very much money, cause senior year is when I would do most of the saving up. I dont know though, I have another year to figure that out. The main reason I even wanted to move to Portland was to get away from everyone here, but I'm sure there's going to be the same amount of assholes there, if not more.

As I'm getting older the holiday season is starting to reveal it's true nature, it's not as good as it appears to be.
The other day I was decorating the tree with my younger brother, Sam, and I said something about santa coming, and the kind of cookies he wanted to leave him this year, and Sam paused and said "Abby....I know that santa isn't real, I'm in 7th grade now, I'm not stupid" That statement made me so sad, It took 90 percent of the fun of christmas away, Like I realize it's about time he learned santa, easter bunny, tooth ferry, etc was fake, but it's making me feel old. He's also in the classic "I hate the world and my family" stage, so It's hard to see him being rude everyone. He'll grow out of it though. We all went through it.

I've been hanging out with really fun people lately. Last winter was completely ruined, 'cause I was in a really hard relationship, and I never went out and had fun but Nick was a learning experience. But this year I'm freeee.

My mom found my bowl this morning, and informed me that once I get my permit she will give me drug test periodicly to make sure that I'm not driving under the influence. I could care less. Weed is dumb. I just do it when I'm bored.

oh, On friday, I went to jon stevens's family christmas dinner, it as so ridiculous, I was the only non-family memner, and it was great, so many Stevens'ss''ss' so much wine.

My dad wont give me my 40d yet, I'm so anxious for it.  I got some new polaroid film to hold me over until the canon comes, so here are some photos I've taken in the past week.


 

I'm talking to my friend Martin right now. About how life is good. And it really is.

Yesterday was fun. I went to Jons, and from there we went to dinner than to Waterville High School's musical. It was the longest play ever, and the wooden seats didnt help much! Renee was there with her man. It was nice to see her aswell.
Dylan W. getts his licence back soon so I'll be able to see him more oftan.

I'm having a really hard time selling my XT body, I'll probably just trade it into b&h when I order my 40D. Im not getting it until Christmas though.

I'm like, running out of models. Noone has enough self confidence, or enough gas money to come to Waterville and get in front of my camera.

My dad signed me up for Core Classes at Champions. I don't know what it means, but were going once a week, along with the gym.


I think I'm going to eliminate things out of my diet, I want to cleanse my body of it's toxins. I have to google it more though because I want to be healthy.

I'm in the midst of planning christmas presents for my friends, I have a pretty nice list going. I'm sure my friends will enjoy them. Last year I made different body parts out of ginger bread for Alisa. jesus.

So, Yesterday I was walking around wal-mart waiting for mom to get back from my drivers-ed place, and I was walking in the candy isle, and I saw a pretty fabulous ginger bread house kit. I'm deffinetly building a fucking village once christmas gets closer. I'm so excited for the holiday season. I'm not looking forward to missing the sun, witch is going to happen in about 3 weeks. I'll have to take up tanning or something. it might help, it might not.

Next week me and Ashlee are going to do a photoshoot. I'm really excited, Ashlee is my only real sibiling and my beeest friend. It's going to tbe fly. you Just wait. I'm also doing a photoshoot with my friend Sam, he's coming home to Maine from N. Carolia. I'm quite excited.


So I guess today a movie called "twilight" and the news in the background keeps talking about it, they just said "think about beauty and the beast with VAMPIRES" that seems really lame if you ask me. HAHAHHA "TWI-MOMS" I don't even understand how news reporters can take their lives serously. the things they say....god damn.
I don't even go to the movies, so whatever. I havnt gone since The Dark Knight.


I'm counting down the days until I start drivers-ed. I cannot wait until I get my licence.

I'm very nervous.



Ive been making so many mistakes,
Ive been making so many friends,

does the good cancel out bad, or does the bad cancel out the good?



What to do, what to do, what to do...



I guess this time im not going with my gut feeling.
My gut feeling left when my heart left,
I'm on my own.



I can't get what I want.

so I'll take what I have.




I'm headed for the very thing that makes my spine shiver, and what makes me get goosebumps.
It's what's left.
 

I'm a little girl with a big heart.
 

It's been rough lately, I'm not going to lie.

I've been updating my myspace blog a bit more than this one,
and to be completely honest I forgot I even had a livejournal.

Nothing has been according to plan, and there has been a lot of let-downs.

I feel like little pieces of my life such as my sanity is escaping from me.
and my friends.
i'm loosing them, a lot of them.


Ever since this school year started back up I've been a lot more observant of my peers.
I've started not caring about the stuff that other people care about,
I distance myself from everyone, I distance myself from drama.
It's a  lonely atmosphere, but everything is at ease.


I'm getting a B and higher in every class and I'm happy with myself.


My best friend, Hannah moved to Portland, ME for college, it's an hour and a half south of me. And my sister who is the same age as me moved to a different school and a different house. I don't see her anymore either.

Me and Mia have been growing close lately, and I've been reconnecitng to old friends like Rachel.

I'm still trying to reel back in some friends I lost over the summer, But I think I've tryed enough.


I met this really nice boy the week before school started. He lives a hour and a half south of me too though, and both of our scheduals are very full, so nothing is bound to happen.

Me and Jason, we used to be best friends. I hung out with him almost every day this summer. I don't know what happend. I'm trying to help this friendship though. (i'm not going to go into detail)

 

I am not really having it to bad. But I think I just have more time to focus on the negative now that school is here and I'm at home now a lot.

Things are just different now.
everything's awkward.

These constant changes in my sleep schedule keep me laying awake at night 
i keep running the same scenes and memories through my head, and as i drift unconscious into my dreams...
i fall sleep with a smile on my face.

i'm ready, im ready

I see the beautiful ocean from a distance, I see the power and its rapid speed...

It's what draws me in; the fascination, and the curiosity... I'm unfamiliar with this.
No turning back, I'm half way in.
 
This heavy tide Is taking me under with the current, and making me weak.


I can tell I'm not ready for this. 

I'm already in way over my head.

Yesterday I went to Jasons bbq, it was a wonderful time, everyone was happy. The boys made steak and hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. It was quite scrumptious! Soon after I went into the messalonskee stream and "swam", followed by several trips to the icecream place, it was a hot beautiful day. 



I got to hang out with brittani, she was my BEST friend last year, I don't really know what happened, we took two packages of Polaroids, i'll post them soon.



After the bbq I went to Jons, washed up, then went to the movies with him and like, a zillion other people. We saw The Happening, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT SEE THAT MOVIE. soooo shitty guys, seriously. 
I got to meet his parents...theyre so weird! i love it! mine are too! 

I'm at hannahs now, it's 7:35am.


I'm loving life right now.
<33

Today I ran through sprinklers during 4th block.
Then walked to dairy queen and got an ice cream.

this is what happens when you have a sub whos like "I dont giva shitt"



Today was good.